The suggestion that
Australia may have used similar unlawful tactics in the Ashes series is hardly
unexpected. The corollary is clearly that England may not have been humiliated Down
Under had Smith and his men not have used yellow tape, sugar granules or
whatever. I doubt it would have made a difference. Furthermore, England can’t
necessarily claim the moral high ground given Mike Atherton’s ‘soil in pocket’
history and – Michael Vaughan, take note - Marcus Trescothick’s admitted use of
Murraymints to enhance shine back in 2005. Nonetheless this latest allusion serves
to deflect attention away from yet another overseas drubbing, this time at the
hands of New Zealand.
Trevor Bayliss may look
unabashed at his team’s innings defeat in Auckland but he can surely not be
embarrassed by England’s dismal dismissal for only 58 in the first session of
the Test, their fifth lowest ever and easily the worst against this opposition.
The twin spearhead of Trent Boult and Tim Southee were hardly unknown
quantities, and yet the batting line-up crumbled one by one to an excellent display
of seam and swing. And no indication of illegal activities; just bowlers’ skill
and airy-fairy drives.
Heaven knows what
depths could have been plumbed had our number nine, Craig Overton not clumped
an unbeaten 33, well over half the total. A score of under 30 was a distinct
possibility and the Test may not have extended into a second day, let alone a fifth.
Of course, two days of rain allowed England to either re-group or dwell on
their disastrous start to a new series. New Zealand rubbed the tourists’ noses
into the soil by racking up 427 -8, helped by a record eighteenth century by
Kane Williamson (can he really still be only 27?) and an unbeaten, spanning four
days, by Henry Nicholls.
At least Jimmy Anderson
and Stuart Broad could hold their heads up high, and their batting colleagues
showed some fight in the second innings. Stoneman, Root, Stokes and Woakes each
passed fifty but it was all too little, too late. Boult took his match figures
to 9-99, late bloomer Todd Astle polished off the tail with three wickets and
the game was over. There was to be no last day heroics, unlike five years ago
on the same ground, when Prior and Panesar thwarted the Black Caps and drew the
series.
Sadly all the
one-dayers have restricted the 2018 Test competition to a mere two matches.
Consequently, England cannot win the series but must surely seek to avoid a
sixth Test defeat on this lengthy winter tour. Handing Jack Leach his cap in place
of a miserably misfiring Moeen Ali is a no-brainer while replacing Overton with
the greater pace of Matt Wood is another possibility. However, with the
Somerset seamer frequently outscoring his more illustrious colleagues with the
bat, can the selectors afford to drop him at Christchurch?! Whatever the eleven which takes the field, they had better leave the sweets, sugar packets, etc back in the dressing room. Those pesky camera lenses get everywhere.
