Living in the UK, during the weeks leading up to the Ashes, I could have been forgiven for believing that England’s 5-0 whitewash was in the bag. The Aussies were no-hopers, their pace attack either crocked or simply past it. Just hand over the urn now, knighthoods and bonuses all round. Cheers!
Who needs practice? Just turn up, let the batters whack it around the boundary and the bowlers reduce Steve Smith et al to nervous wrecks. It doesn’t matter whether the ball is white, red or pink; Bazball rules, ok?
Then came the Perth debacle. In truth, both sides struggled with the pitch. After the first day, the ‘papers and websites lauded the pace of Carse, Archer and Stokes. Crawley, Root and Smith would come good on day two and the tourists would be celebrating three days early.
Oops! Crawley bagged a pair, Brook lasted only three deliveries and his Yorkshire brother-in-arm played on to Mitchell Starc for eight. Top score was Gus Atkinson’s 37. Never mind. Unleash the speedsters! Khawaja’s injury brought more optimism, but the promoted Travis Head was having none of it. Ably supported by Marnus Labuschagne, he made a mockery of this relentless marketing maelstrom by slamming an 83-ball 123. No bowlers were spared the Head treatment. Inside two days, it was 1-0 to Australia.
On to Brisbane, where history isn’t kind to England. But – hey! – we have the fastest pace attack in Ashes history! Well, at least the Second Test lasted four days but the result was the same: an eight-wicket triumph for the hosts. Despite a plethora of runs, there was only one century and, Ironically, it flowed from the bat of Joe Root whose lack of a ton Down Under had been an over-stressed stain on his fantastic Test record. He was left unbeaten on 138, proving that class is permanent.
When Australia batted, nobody could get close to three figures but, in a Test rarity, everyone reached double-figures. Five passed fifty, and on day two they compiled runs at a rate which would have had Brendon McCullum purring were it his own batters at work. The bowlers wilted, simple catches were spilled all over the place. The England second innings saw Michael Neser grabbing the headlines with two caught-and-bowleds, and a succession of poor strokes edging behind to Carey and Smith.
England’s woes were epitomised yesterday by the chirping of Archer toward Steve Smith. Even that pathetic sledging failed, as the stand-in skipper was motivated to hook another bouncer for six and clinch victory with a controlled pull from Atkinson for another.
So what next? I am no fan of England’s cricket but even I am surprised by their embarrassing performances so far. As for the coach’s suggestion that his squad practised too much, it’s laughable. Of course, England could fire on all cylinders at Adelaide. Root, Brook, Pope, Smith and Duggett have made big scores before, and Aussie pitches can aid our bowlers. However, the Bazball strategy can only take you so far. Selecting batters based on their Hundred strike rates and bowlers purely based on their speed gun stats is, in my opinion, ridiculous.
I know I’m old-fashioned, and fume at the proliferation of T20 and the shortening of boundaries, but you need a Plan B, C or even D, depending on the players available, the conditions and the opposition. For too long, England have relied on sledging, bouncers, Root’s runs and Stokes’ big-stage heroics. Skills can still be honed, but there are many other sub-90mph bowlers and experienced spinners available on the county circuit ready and willing.
As
for Australia, they have performed admirably, uniting the nation against the
Barmy Army. Aged 31, Weatherald has enjoyed a solid start to his Test career, Alex
Carey has been as brilliant behind the stumps as Smith has been poor, while
Boland, Doggett and Neser have compensated for the absence of Cummins and Hazelwood.
Then there is ‘past-it’ Mitchell Starc. A six-fer in three successive Tests, a
trio of Player of the Match awards and a top score of 77 at Brisbane. His career
wicket tally has eclipsed Wasim Akram’s to make him the most prolific left-arm
seamer in history. Smith collects records for runs and catches but the tall
Sydney man deserves more credit than he receives. Tests, ODIs, T20, he excels
in all formats. A glut of Aussie retirements cannot be far away but it is Starc
who will be missed the most.
